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Archive 1
Nobody understands aesthetics. The poster that I want, the one of Kurt Cobain sucking down a cigarette while playing his guitar. Everybody looks at me like I'm funny when I say it will be on my wall. Like there must be some kind of hidden meaning with the picture, something about Kurt Cobain killing himself, or the cigarette, or something. No. That's not it at all. The light, the way his hair is, the position of his hand to his mouth. It's all perfect and easy on my eyes. And then there's the whole Kurt Cobain factor. He was brilliant. He wrote some incredible things. That poster just pleases me. Huh. I'm fairly flustered that nobody else can see the aesthetics of it. So pretty. The colors, the textures. Blah.
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do you think if I yell loud enough
somebody will hear me
if I hide in my corner
somebody will find me
and if I hold you too tight
I can feel you pulling away
I only wanted to
try, just a little
maybe someday it'll count.
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tearing up our insides,we plow for the words(they don't exist)
to convey how we feel
that twisting, gnawing, mind numbing ache
we all feel
when somebody(something) else has hit a nerve
and caused a chain reaction
so now the raw energy flows(and the tears)
you can feel it as we all mix up
they don't see what they've done
and in the end you're still JUST AS CONFUSED
I shouldn't have asked.
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How much this means to me
is no longer relevent
because there is no way
to put how this feels
into words
so now you tell me
how much this means to you
because I imagine it's not as intense as mine
and I imagine you've got a way with words
but then again all this is
is imagine-ing
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Therefore the nights grow shorter
and the days become achingly longer
and I'm left to wonder
how it should have been
as the free soul often wonders
the many wonders of life
though everybody feels this sting
at one time or another
nobody has been able to figure out
how to avoid the after burn
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We just are and I just am
why must you pry so deep?
There's no particular definition
for the way things were or are or will be
it simply was
or is
or will be
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I have not had anything in so long
my skin is beginning to forget the feeling of fingers
closer, closer, creep a little closer
I wonder what it's like to want me
Do you feel the pulsing in your hear when you see me
can barely stand, let alone breathe
lean against the table and try to play it cool
everybody but you saw that I almost fainted
afraid of your reaction, fearful that you might have forgotten
me
I'm still not sure how you are
how you feel
how you think
did I ever cross your mind, or am I still some friends cousin?
afraid to ask, afraid of the answer, afraid I'll
feel silly because
I thought about you so much
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I'm burning once again
laying outside and thinking
about burning
and you flopped down beside me
shaking so bad that I wanted to
pin you down so you'd stop
because you breathing is tearing me apart
so stop it
you stupid boy
can't you see the way
my whole self gnaws itself to pieces
everytime you look at me?
you stupid boy
you've never been very careful with me
I shatter so easily
yet always put the pieces back together
and come back for more.
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I Saw You
and suddenly the blood is coming back
reminded of the war and the way
it ended
and I'm left to wonder
what was our battle ever for
these endless fights and slashes with the sword
you know that you cried, that you bled when I stabbed
because I did, and we were always
so much alike
where do we go from here, we stand in the middle of
our battle field, and we charge one another
scream treason and traitor
when really all we want to do
is pull the surrender flag out
and sign the peace treaty
so tell me what we're supposed to do now
both our armys are dead
soldiers bodys litter the ground in our rooms
in our hearts
all that's left is you and me
do you really have the courage
to kill me?
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